Insights

There have been plenty of mistakes, lessons and course corrections over the past seven years.

Seven years of motherhood, that is.

And if there’s one thing I’ve become much more aware of during that time, it’s that time and energy are finite resources.

There are so many invitations, projects, opportunities, ideas and things I could dedicate my time to.

And if my time was an infinite resource, I would.

But it isn’t.

I’m also a recovering yes-girl. I’ve spent plenty of my life saying yes because something sounded interesting, because I thought I should do it, or simply because I knew I could.

Becoming a mum hasn’t magically cured me of that.

But it has made the cost of a yes much more visible.

So these are seven things I keep coming back to, both in my work and in my life.

NB: they are not strict rules, but reminders I come back to when stuff starts competing for my time and attention.

1. I can decide to leave social events earlier

I’ve always enjoyed being social, so this one sounds simple AND tricky.

I used to feel that if I’d committed to something, I should stay until the end.

Now I give myself permission to leave.

Maybe I’m tired. Maybe I’ve got an early start the next day. Maybe I just want to go home.

I don’t need a particularly compelling reason.

I can enjoy seeing people, have a lovely evening and still decide that I’m ready to leave.

2. I can pause before saying yes to a new opportunity

This one has been a big one for me.

I’m naturally curious. I like learning. I like meeting people. I like trying things.

And I have definitely said yes to things simply because they sounded interesting.

The problem is that every yes takes up something.

When you say yes to something, you say no to something else (and vice versa)

So I’m getting better at pausing before I answer. I ask myself: does this actually align with my goals?

Being able to fit something in doesn’t necessarily mean it’s worth fitting in.

3. I consider the energy a work project will take

This has become particularly important to me as I’ve built my own business/coaching practice alongside my family life.

We often talk about how much time something will take, eg an hour for this, a whole day for that.

Time isn’t the whole story: a project can take five hours and leave you feeling energised while another 2-hour one can leave you completely depleted.

There might be emotional labour involved. So, I increasingly ask myself:

What will this require from me, beyond the hours in my diary?

That’s a much more useful question when you’re already managing a fairly full & busy life with kids.

4. I don’t apologise if replying to an email took longer than expected

This is a small one. Yet, I’ve noticed how often we feel the need to apologise for not responding quickly enough.

“Sorry for the delay in getting back to you.”

Sometimes, of course, an apology is appropriate but most of the time, we just have not responded because we had priorities and this item was not prioritised. And that’s ok!

“Thank you for your patience.” is now my go-to phrase.

It’s a tiny shift, yet it changes the story I’m telling myself about what it means to have a life outside my inbox.

5. I can be late to playdates

Every mum anywhere knows that getting out of the house with children does not always go according to plan.

In our house, our favourites seem to be:

• Someone can’t find their bag.
• Someone needs the toilet.

And sometimes, despite my best efforts, we’re late.

I’ve become much better at not turning that into a whole internal drama.

We might be 10 min late, and it is not worth turning the situation into a drama (in my experience).

6. I can prioritise having a slow day

This one can be surprisingly difficult.

Especially when there’s always something I could be doing, for work, for the family, in the house.

Truth is there are things I’ve been meaning to organise for approximately 14 months.

But I’ve learnt an additional day won’t change a thing and sometimes I indeed need a slow day!

Being productive can mean doing less.

Sometimes a slower day gives me the space to think, recover and come back to things with a little more energy.

I’m trying to stop treating every empty space in my calendar as an invitation to fill it.

7. I make time for my friendships too

This one matters because it would be very easy for friendships to keep sliding down the list…. however, as community & connection are part of my core values, this one is super important for me.

So I’m trying to remember that a coffee with a friend isn’t an indulgence. It’s part of my life.

It doesn’t have to be a big night out.

Sometimes it’s 45 minutes between school drop-off and the rest of the day.

Sometimes it’s a message to say, “I was thinking about you.”

These relationships matter to me.

So they deserve some of my time too.